he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Semen is not good for contacts.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
These tits shall not be calmed
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