I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize