you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
