I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
