i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
