you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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