remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
