I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
