Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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