so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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