Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
