Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
