I murdered the dance floor call the cops
should my penis look like a turkey
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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