just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
