I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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