If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize