We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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