yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
