Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
