I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize