u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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