He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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