i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
