you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
