some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
