Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
