ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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