In the future we'll all be gay
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
