first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
