If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
