when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
