i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't deserve a penis
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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