xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
