I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
