Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
