True but thats because hes a fetus.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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