hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I supernannyed him into submission
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
