I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
