if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
