I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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