I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
tell me about the eggs
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