I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
