i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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