Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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