even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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