you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I will be naked everywhere
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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