is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
