if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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