oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Im part way to drunk.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
