so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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