speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
