Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
