I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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