and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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