Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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