Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
