omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
