Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
