Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
