we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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