First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize