yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
