Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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