i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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