So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
