she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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