i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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