The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
