didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
