The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
