overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
