please come you make the beer taste better
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
