I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize