I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
