do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
