I think I died a long time ago.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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