Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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