NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
