and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
