I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
mondays should just be called national damage control day
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
